Avoiding conflict feeds the conflict

But we get on so well!

Few sentences feed a conflict as powerfully as this one.

Symptom: put pointedly, there are two kinds of executive board

• Variant 1: they give each other a hard time on substance, while genuinely valuing and respecting one another.
• Variant 2: exactly the reverse. They deal with each other very carefully, but the relationships are a minefield.

Antidote

The board in Variant 1 lives by binding agreements about how it handles the relationship level. That is precisely the key:

Define a set of 4–7 agreements. Work them out together and review them periodically. Important: agreements are concrete instructions for how to act in a conflict, not philosophical waffle.

• Instead of: “We respect each other” → “We accept every point of view.”
• Instead of: “We trust each other” → “We keep to our agreements.”

The psychology behind it

Collaboration always has these two levels: content and relationship. Conflict is part of a board’s everyday life. But it belongs firmly on the content level (Variant 1). As soon as conflict migrates to the relationship level, the board becomes ineffective (Variant 2).

Two kinds of CEO most often end up in the harmony minefield with their board:

The harmony-seekers: “But we get on so well”

Harmony and freedom from conflict is a utopian wish for the way a board works together. Every organisation is exposed to massive conflicting objectives — and many of them converge in the boardroom. Working conflicts through respectfully, on a secure relational footing, can feel genuinely inspiring. Along the lines of: “I throw all my convictions into the balance — and trust that if everyone else does the same, the best solution will emerge.”

Those with a “touchy-feely allergy”

For these CEOs, shaping relationships means going for a beer together. And they wonder why they stay in Variant 2. Because shaping the relationship is a leadership task that cannot be delegated. Ignore it and you stay stuck.

Effective CEOs put the needs of the organisation before their own. The organisation needs a secure relational level — even if the road there is disharmonious and emotional at times.

This blog series on leadership traps distils leadership knowledge from Leadnow’s day-to-day consulting work.

Sources and further reading: the content is based on distilled leadership knowledge from Leadnow’s day-to-day consulting work.

Deeply entrenched conflicts can no longer be addressed with the guidance above. From conflict stage 3–4 onwards (after Fritz Glasl), conflicts can no longer be contained under your own steam.

(c) 2026 – Leadnow GmbH.